banana peels and unicorn dreams: unusual tales of existential dread

Why is the opposite of hope despair and not indifference, and why is it is easier to hate when you no longer love?

Back before the brain was addled, I was a fan of Nietzsche who explained this perfectly. The oppressed never seek emancipation, it’s not in their nature. They seek a role-reversal. That’s how we get an Israel after a Holocaust, a Stalin after the Tsar, a Spanish Inquisition post-Roman repression. It’s a cycle that just keeps turning.

This pattern isn’t just confined to the history books, either. It’s present in the here-and-now. It’s in the way we are tempted to fight racism with reverse racism, respond to misogyny with misandry, meet terrorism with islamophobia, and answer crime with tribal vengeance. These reactions aren’t intentional, they’re just us, listening to our deepest, most primal instincts. It is a bug in our kernel. Tribalism, we are born with it.

This seemingly involuntary action, when continued with reckless abandon, drives a deeper wedge between a man and his hope for a solution. Yesterday’s oppressed becomes today’s oppressor, while today’s oppressed is being primed to become tomorrow’s oppressor.

The cycle didn’t start with him, and it certainly won’t end with him.

Inking my thoughts onto the page no longer holds the same innate fluidity it once did. This might be a fruitless endeavor at pattern interrupt, or possibly, it could be the dawn of an unconventional series—one of slippery banana peels and whimsical unicorn dreams.


So, here we are.

“Yes, here we are”

Tell me about the new stories.

“There is one about an average guy pretending to be a millionaire to seduce a rich girl.”

That sounds clichéd

“He offers to provide her with financial support when she gets herself into a spot of trouble, in return she should do sexual stuff”

He turns her into a prostitute?

“No, just for him”

How is that any different?

“It is an ongoing arrangement they have”

And then they fall in love?

“Something like that”

Still sounds clichéd.

“I didn’t finish it yet, premise might seem usual”

Did you start writing it ?


Why is that?

“She blocked him all over social media.”

I see, what else are you working on?

“I have one where a guy is in a dilemma when his best friend cheats on his wife.”

Is the guy friends with the wife?

“He is, but he doesn’t like her all that much”

Was he friends with her before they got together?


Then guy shouldn’t say anything. We don’t exactly know what is going on, and ‘bro code’ and all that. Do you have any proper stories?

“A super smart guy who is used to getting his way finds himself in trouble..”

When he meets a girl ?

“Yes, something like that. Do you have to ruin everything?”

I don’t. It sounded like a movie blurb in Netflix. What about comedies? Anything funny?


That’s a shame; you must have something?

“How about an annoying co-worker who dabbed his married colleague in ladies’ perfume which leads to the said colleague’s divorce.”

Is the annoying co-worker female?

“No, just annoying.”

That sounds funny. Do you have to take it as far as a divorce? Can’t the colleague just get in trouble with his wife?

“I could, then you’d call it a cliché again”

You know, it doesn’t matter what I call it, it’s what you believe.

“Get outta my head, I have to wake up now”

It is getting toasty outside, I think you overslept again, good morning.


There’s one thing you gotta love about being a coder, it teaches you how to think. The more you code, the more rational and linear your thought process becomes. Pretty soon you find yourself applying code optimization techniques to your thought process. Give it a couple of years, one fine evening while you’re sitting in your room, reading a random book and you suddenly realize that you can do multivariable calculus in your head. Gotta love that.

 – The rational, linear, no-mistakes, perfect me (c. 2013).

The great thing about writing down your most abstract thoughts is that you get to go back and read it after a few years and wonder how much you’ve changed since then. I no longer love being rational and linear. I love mistakes, failures, the defining imperfections. I have made my peace with irrationally impulsive decisions. I feel that I am filled with an overwhelming sense of self awareness and understanding when I look at you, and I see your imperfections and I realize that I love you for it.

Mumble cunt. 

Mumble cunt. (Adj.) – one who mumbles under their breath instead of saying something out loud. Often used as a term of endearment when fighting with your significant other. Phrase coined by his excellency Sir. Nicholas, The Pennyless Gentleman. 

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