11:30 AM – Riding the bike, le wild phone rings.
Me : Hello ?
Her : Hey ! been trying to call you for so long – Where are you ?
Me : Heading home, Whats up ?
Her : I am going abroad next week, thought I’d see you before I go.
Me : Sure – when ?
Her : Today evening ? May be, I am not sure, will call you when I get there.
She didn’t call yet, me walking across the room, fully excited, not sure whether I want to meet her or not, I have had le wild crush on her for a long time. She is going away now, telling her now is not a good idea, even if she likes me, she still has to go – will I be sad if I meet her ? I haven’t thought of her in a while – le mixed feelings
5:00 PM – Le wild phone rings again
Her : I’m at le wild coffee place
Me : Be there in 20.
Said that as an alliteration, It did sound cool in movies. Le wild calculation – coffee place is 14km away, average speed needed 42km/hr, office traffic, accomodate for traffic lights and variable changes, average speed needed 65km/hr.
5:20 PM – Le wild coffee shop, me and her, chatting.
5:40 PM – We’re on the road, hanging out – having the best time of my life
Her : You know, we should have done this long back, this is nice.
Me (silently) : I have wanted to go out with you since the first time I saw you, pi equals 3.14159265…
7:30 PM – I take her back to her place
Her : Alright, till the next time.
Me : Probably not.
Her : hmm ?
Me : It is possible that we will not see each other again…Call me before you go.
10:30 PM – Le me on phone with le friend
Le wild friend : It’s just a crush man
Me : Fuck you.
Le wild friend : Bitch please. You are not in love with her, you’ve never been in love with her, you are just sad she is leaving.
Next day morning :
Le me in the shower – Contemplating all the big things in the universe and living in a fantasy world where everything is perfect and I am with her. Runs all possible scenarios where we get together, each as unlikely as other, nothing to do here. Le wild heavyness in the chest.
Le me on the phone with le wild friend
Me : I want to kill myself.
Le wild friend : How ?
Me : I am going to eat till I die.
Le wild friend : Are you buying ?
Me : No will to live anymore.
Le wild friend : Okay, you are buying – be there in an hour
Le me full of junk food, still not feeling high, still not feeling better – heavy cigar – still not feeling better – If only I had known spending a couple of hours with her would hurt so much for so long.
Le me writing this as a reminder to never go on good bye dates again. Ever again.